My name is Naomi, and I have done the impossible. I have befriended grammar. It all started about 3 years ago when I was told I had horrible grammar. I tried so hard to fix it, but no matter what I did, I could not learn grammar. Then, when I entered 6th grade, I realized it was not my fault. It was Grammar’s fault! It all made sense! So I began to work. First, I wrote a whole sentence with correct grammar, which was almost impossible. It took me two months. Then I wrote a message to Grammar. It said…
Dear Grammar,
I hope you are having a good week. I wanted to ask about our friendship. To be honest, you haven’t been kind to me, as you ruin all my sentences! So please take this present, a fully correct sentence, and become my friend.
This is my fully correct sentence:
Hello, my name is Naomi O’Connell. I like cats and chickens.
Dear Naomi,
It’s great to hear from you! I have been wondering about our ever-long, erm, “relationship”. It has been strained over time, but I would be thrilled to improve our friendship.
Grammar and I have been besties ever since! We have worked together all year! Since then, I have been so much happier! There are less editors (e.g. Elena) yelling at me about using commas. Bel,ow…B,elow,,… ,Below… Below, is a . Oh no! Grammar must be angry, at me: Noooooooo;;;!
Dear Grammar,
Hi! Why are you angry at me? What did I do to you?!?!?! Please help me!
Dear Naomi,
Naomi, you hurt my feelings by being disrespectful to your English teacher while she was teaching you grammar. Please try to learn my ways.
Now I have to apologize to Grammar! Urg!
Dear Grammar,
I was NOT disrespectful to my English teacher. I was simply asking her why commas are even useful! Anyway, I KINDLY request you never touch my writing again!
Well, Grammar and I had a little falling out. I could not post the following letters that we sent to each other. But we will not be talking to each other anymore. Thank,,, you.?!!!-foR reading. Below is a list of:: =^.^= (Come on Grammar that doesn’t even make sense!) instructions so you and Grammar can be fridays I mean friends.
- Never insult Commas (Who is a person: John H. Commas) Insulting him will result in Grammar hating you eternally.
- Use Oxford Commas, or don’t… I really have no clue!
- Never ever make a mistake. Never! This will also result in Grammar hating you forever.
- If that doesn’t work out, just give up. That”s what I did,.
Thank you for reading!
Writers Note:
Hello, reader! I am the writer of this article! The reason I wrote this article is that I have horrible grammar. The editor of this article/the writer of the character Grammar is Elena. I would guess she makes upwards of 150 edits per piece I make. Fun for her. (Seriously, I think she likes it? Elena here: NO, I DON’T!! At all!!!) But I always wonder if Grammar is an actual being, mainly because I try so hard and fail so badly! (I thought I did great with Grammar at the beginning, but Elena had to make, like, 30 edits!) So I thought doing this would be fun! And it was! Elena especially enjoyed being the impersonation of grammar. (She literally is outside of this article!) She makes me do Grammar in Spanish class, and, like, come on! I can barely say the sentence and she adds in, like, Grammary stuff! But I shall give a very big thank you to my editing friend, Elena! I literally could not do this without her! (Like seriously it would be the inedible version of reading, unreadable, is that a word?! Elena here again: Yes, unreadable is a word. This may surprise the reader as Naomi has a habit of making up words for no reason at all.) So, thank you, Elena for attempting to teach me Commas and the Spanish word “Soy”, or is it “Son”, sorry, Elena, I kinda forgot! (Elena’s back: IT’S A VERB, AND THAT VERB IS SER!! I’m telling our Spanish teacher…) And it turns out that Oxford Commas are optional!?!?! Like what?!?! Elena and I had so much fun writing the following Q & A during our Spanish class. Do NOT read if you do not want to go insane.
Q & A With Grammar! (Questions from Naomi)
Q: What’s your favorite song?
A: “Word Crimes”! Listen to it and learn!!!!! LEARN!!!
Q: Do you use Oxford commas?
A: They are optional- sometimes I do, sometimes I do not.
Q: But do you?!?!?!?
A: For things such as journalism, I do not. However, regularly, I do. I will remind you, though, I do not always use Oxford commas- they are a choice.
Thank you! A real answer!
Q: Do you like editing?
A: People who know my ways are fun to edit. People, like yourself, who do not know my ways are not fun to edit.
Q: Do you regret joining the Wred Feather Newspaper Club as an editor?
A: No, I feel as though I can teach people my ways, even though a few people refuse to learn them.
Q: Do you regret befriending the worst Grammar person in the world? (That’s me, Naomi.)
A: Yes. Every day.
Wow. Just wow.
Q: Would you recommend your job to students?
A: No comment.
OK.
Q: What is the most important Grammar rule to remember?
A: All of them.
Q: But what single one?
A: I suppose commas and spelling. All of them would make me happy, though 🙂 .
Q: What is one thing you wish you could say to a student struggling with Grammar?
A: Never talk to Naomi.
Q: WHY????
A: As she has bad Grammar, it would not help them at all.
Q: What else would you recommend?
A: To speak to an English teacher for help. Also, use spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.
Well, thank you Grammar! Goodbye!
Good bye. See you never.
