Talented Cyborgs… er… uh… Teachers!

Everyone knows that modern-day schoolteachers are government-issued cybernetic organisms with advanced, personality-integrated, self-adaptive AI programming. The prime directive in their coding is to teach and nurture. When they are absent for the day, it is to undergo routine maintenance checks. And obviously, at the end of the school day, these educational cyborgs return to their special charging base in the school’s basement.
Of course, there are some skeptics out there who might argue that some teachers like can’t be cyborgs because they simply don’t have the time to hang out at charging stations because they must attend to other priorities and interests. I would counter that being a teacher and having other talents is not mutually exclusive. It simply requires some top-tier programming and extended battery life. But, for purposes of this article, I’ll go ahead and indulge the ridiculous theory that teachers are actual people, rather than humanoids, as we explore some of the talents shared among the teaching cybo…. er… I mean, citizens, of Wredling.

Substitute teacher, Mr. Morrison, is an emerging international opera sensation. His weekends are busy showcasing his talents, most recently playing Norse God, Wotan, in the Wagnerian opera Das Rheingold. He says, “When I was 3 or 4 years old, I was at my grandparents’ house for the night, and I wanted them to find The Three Stooges on TV. Back in those days, we had to click through channels to find what we were looking for, and while they were clicking through, they came across Channel 11 WTTW, which was showing The Three Tenors in concert. I started trying to conduct the orchestra and singers, and Placido Domingo was singing who I suppose I thought looked like my grandpa, because my eyes got big and I cued him, yelling, ‘Sing Papa, sing!’ At that moment, my grandma somehow knew I was destined for opera. It took a while for me to figure it out myself when I was in college studying music and theatre, but it turns out Grandma always knows!” Mr. Morrison has performed across the nation, from South Carolina to New Mexico, and has even ventured overseas to Wales to perform as Marcello in La Bohème. He recently co-founded a new opera company & quot; Fox Valley Opera,” which is committed to producing concerts and staged operas in our area.

Creative talents abound among our faculty. It is no secret that we have a published author in our midst. Librarian, Ms. Van Sickle wrote a fiction adventure novel, Assassins Are Us. The book has been a roaring success among students and beyond. It received numerous complimentary reviews from critics and consumers, alike, and earned Literary Titan’s Gold Book Award.

Another Wredling librarian gifted with artistic aptitude is Mrs. Lykins. Mrs. Lykins plays the guitar and has used her talent to perform at several kids’ birthday parties. She started playing guitar in college and took lessons when she moved to Chicago at the Old Town School of Folk Music. Right now, she has started taking lessons again to learn finger-picking and scales, to expand on her guitar skills, hoping to perform at an open mic event one day.

Some teachers, like Ms. Bennet, do crafting in their spare time. Ms. Bennet has been crocheting since high school when her neighbor taught her. However, her neighbor was left-handed, so Ms. Bennet yarnovers backwards. When she got to college, she ended up teaching everyone on her dorm floor how to crochet as well. She has made two large projects, a replica of a Harry Styles sweater and an elephant rug.

Social Studies teacher and Athletics Coach, Mr. Massie was a professional soccer player. He competed on four different continents and fifteen countries. Mr. Massie stated, “I have played soccer in orphanages, rocks, dirt, grass, turf, farms, and airports.” He started playing soccer because he has ADHD and his parents wanted him to go outside. He tried baseball, but standing in one place for long periods was hard for him. Later in life, he joined a travel team, which he was cut from, and was told he would never be good enough by his teammates and coaches. He persevered, however, and eventually became a pro. Now, he coaches soccer and teaches social studies. Mr. Massie says “My experience playing in other countries gave me experience with different cultures that I use in teaching social studies.” He has also used his talent to volunteer and spread awareness for good causes.

All right, so I’ll admit, the talented teachers that grace our hallways may not be scientific constructs or technological marvels, but they are multifaceted and magical each in their own way.

In fact, at least one teacher is both a magician and an artist. Science teacher, Ms. Malhan creates balloon animals and performs magic acts for children. She explains, “Kids might ask for whatever they think is trendy, like a balloon in the shape of a Pokémon Charizard or Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend. But I make sure to look beyond such uninspired, impersonal requests, and search deep into the heart of the child before fashioning my balloon art. That is how I’ve come to discover that, in a world of noise, electronics, and chaos, children crave the peace derived from nature and simplicity. That is why my balloon snakes and summer squash balloon sculptures are so coveted, and dare I say—universally celebrated.” Regarding her magic act, Ms. Malhan explained, “I can make cookies disappear.”